i can't believe i had my finger in that
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
