My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
