did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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