I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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