I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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