Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my liver is dry heaving
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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