I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
