I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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