I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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