I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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