is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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