That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
