My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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