omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
