Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
