Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
