Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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