First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
