Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
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I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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