those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
