Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
