i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize