I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
