i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
