that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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