Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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