He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
