Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
