barbara walters just said penis...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
