At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
