I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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