the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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