dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
pray to the hookup gods
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
