Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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