so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
