Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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