I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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