We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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