I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
