I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
