I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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