Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
