Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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