I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
