Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
