Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
