did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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