She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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