Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
