..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
