who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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