If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
