god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
