; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
