I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
