Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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