I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
