did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
