I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
