someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
