When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
