somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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