What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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