I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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