Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
