he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
