i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
