He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
