Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
