The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
