never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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