He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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