Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
