Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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