I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
