hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
