There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I FOUND THE LEGS
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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