her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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