I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
