I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
