Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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